Run Away Love

When I arrived in Sicily, my cousin Francesca filled me in on chi si ni fuiru, who has ran off together.

“Giampiero ran off. His wife is cute, she is 16. And so did Antonia, she is four months pregnant,” she quickly explained the details of the latest fuitina while she down shifted gears as the car climbed the steep and winding hills that lead home.

In my head I counted, Antonia was born the year that I was . . . and she ran off with a 23-year-old guy in November . . . so that makes her about . . . 15!

I could not believe it. When I first came to Maniace I was 7 and that time I had met girls who were 13 or 14 years old, “married” and pregnant. I could not believe that in the 21st century this was still going on, couples running off together in secret to a different town or a relative’s home and when they returned to Maniace they were considered husband and wife.

That cultural phenomenon seems contrary to the dominating Catholic culture in a town draped in religious mementos. Every bar (café), pub or club displays an honorable photo of the revered saint, Padre Pio; there is a festival that commemorate a saint about every other week and crosses or crucifixes are hung above at least one doorway in each home.

At a family dinner months before, my cousin Pina, herself a fuitina, said that way back when, a man would kidnap a woman and force intimacy or bring her to a house and when she exited the other men, upon seeing her, knew that she was “deflowered”.

“The other men would not want her if they knew she was no longer a virgin. But they do not kidnap women anymore,” she said.

Considering those and the drama that ensued when I went out with x., I could not believe that families passively accept a false marriage created under the premise that since the couple has had sex they are now physically, mentally and spiritually tied to one another.

In the States, a person 18 or older having relations with a 14 or 15-year-old is considered borderline pedophilia and a crime I told Francesca.

“It is the same here, but if the mother and father accept it . . . eh,” she said turning her palms up as if to ask me “what do you want.”

Well there must be someone who can explain why this practice still takes place today. That is when I sought the only priest in Maniace — the man who married my mother and father and looks unbelievably younger than them both — Father Nunzio Galati Giordano.

I interviewed Father Galati twice and each time there was someone calling him away or some ceremony he had to perform. Understandable since he heads the parish. Those interruptions prevented the interview to flow into a deep conversation. Nonetheless, I did get his perspective on how the church deals with la fuitina and why his town is one of the few that practices it.

From his clear and calm demeanor I could tell that Father Galati was a well educated and compassionate person. He emigrated from Tortorici to Maniace, like most of the inhabitants, with his parents and grandparents in 1967. It was then that he discovered this situation— half of the town was married in the church and the other half were fuitina.

He compared the relationship to convivenza, a couple living together without a church or public act formalizing the relationship, which is quite common in Italy. Today, the convivenza is made in accordance with the family. In 1967 however, families often interfered with their children’s relationships, and restricted their child from dating if they disliked their choice for fidanzato/a.

At that time that was one of the two main reasons why a couple ran off together. The other was financial. Sicilian families are expected to have elaborate and large weddings, but many families could not afford a proper ceremony and reception, so couples avoided marrying in the church.

While that may still may be the case today, he said most young couples make the decision to run off because it has become a custom or because the “wife” is pregnant. In the old days, that situation was unlikely due to the shame attached to premarital sex.

“Today there is more liberation. People have sexual experiences before marriage. Before, if the other men knew a woman had rapport with another man, the other men would not want her for a wife and usually the first time la fuitina had sex was when they ran off,” he said.

He noted that society is experiencing a scristianizzazione, becoming less Christian. The sacraments are no longer considered sacred. Back then, the Christian culture was instilled by the family — mother, father, grandparents and relatives — would continuously pressure the couple to recognize their commitment to each other in the church. Couples would visit him and he would perform a private ceremony normally days or weeks after they “eloped.”

There is not so much less respect for God, but an indifference towards the religious observances of the Catholic Church. The family no longer encourages the couple to marry. The couple may wait, one, two, three years before they stand on the altar and sometimes they never make it to the church.

He does not entirely dismiss la fuitina from the Church, but will only baptize the couple’s first child and does not accept confetti from them nor will he perform any blessings for the family. When he addresses the town at public gatherings he reminds the residents of the church’s disapproval of the act.

With breakups and divorces increasing in Italy, one may question the importance of two people being joined by holy union.

“God helps a couple stay together. This is the doctrine of marriage. A wife and husband cannot stay together with love only, because love is limited,” he said.

He explained that love is natural, but love is also weak. With the grace of God two people in love can overcome their weaknesses and troubles that life brings. With God’s help, the relationship evolves into more than a physical emotion, but one that has the potential to rise above human inadequacies.

“There are so many divorces because not everyone understands that marriage is more than love. There are 50 percent more divorces among couples who get married in the commune compared to those who marry in the church,” he said.

He recognized that the institution of marriage is in crisis, that the family has changed values.

"They do not speak the same language as they did a time ago. For example, here in Maniace more women ask for a divorce, then men. The economic situation has allowed them a voice and in some cases the man is the victim of infidelity or abuse," he said.

Father Galati recognized that many men in the town go out at night without their wives.

“This is not right, marriage does not mean you are only together when you are alone in the home,” he said. “If a man is married, why does he find the need to go to the festival or piazza alone?”